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Hasta La Vista, LA. No One Likes You.

Hasta La Vista, LA. No One Likes You.
Created by: sledgbrainerd
Tracks: 18
Length: 01:19:57
Keywords 1. Mix Contest 21
2. Mix Contest 21
3. Mix Contest 21
Created on 4/27/08 11:22pm
Level 6
Points 2529
Total visitors 91
Unique visitors 47
This mix was ranked #1 out of 7 entries for this contest
description:
I need to get out of LA in a serious way. Just for a few days i think. Its been so long since I have left its haze of smog and mental retardation.

Honestly, do people even have to test for driver's licenses here?

Anyways, Here is what my DREAM vacation would consist of.

Me, and all of the different sections or "towns" or "cities" or whatever that make up Los Angeles will go to my personal island.

The plan? Give back to Los Angeles for everything its done for me. Oh, and toss that shit in the ocean where it belongs.



tracklist

1 Gnarls Barkley : Surprise
I arrive at my vacation house.

Its an architectural marvel as its shaped like a giant sea-shell. A [...]
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Track 8 from The Odd Couple
Length: 00:03:50
Year: 2008
Track Description:
I arrive at my vacation house.

Its an architectural marvel as its shaped like a giant sea-shell. And its on a deserted island. Deserted except for my guests and me that is. I am greeted by all of my "oompa Loompa"-types I keep employed at my island to maintain the place. They do a little dance number welcoming me back (I pay them to do this) and then I throw coins all over the ground for all of them to scramble over each other to try to get. My guests applaud. Before we even go inside the house, we get cocktails from the outside bar that is located right off the dock.
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2 The Black Keys : So He Wont Break
We finish our first round of cocktails just as dinner has been set up on a giant table. Surf n Turf, BBQ, Piz [...]
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Track 9 from Attack & Release
Length: 00:04:14
Year: 2008
Track Description:
We finish our first round of cocktails just as dinner has been set up on a giant table. Surf n Turf, BBQ, Pizza, Mediterranean Salad Bar, All sorts of Pastas, and many many a variety of beer. As the sun sets, we dine amongst tiki torches just off of the beach and watch all of the baby sea turtles flock down to the water. I employ a few of the "Oompa Loompa" types to sit behind sniper rifles and pick off any prey that could possibly cut down on the number of turtles getting to the ocean. Every time they get one, I throw them a piece of pizza. If the accidently hit a turtle, i throw beer bottles at them. My guests and I laugh and hug, drunk like high school freshmen girls.
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3 Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds : Moonland
We decide to call it a night as we have big plans for the next day. I even let my "Oompa Loompa"-types sleep i [...]
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Track 3 from Dig!!! Lazuras Dig!!!
Length: 00:03:54
Year: 2008
Track Description:
We decide to call it a night as we have big plans for the next day. I even let my "Oompa Loompa"-types sleep inside.

But unbeknownst to my guests, "calling it a night", to me, is something different then what most people think of. When I "call it a night", I open all the windows to my grands bedroom, cover my bed with bird seed, and have a cocaine induced orgy. Imagine, if you will, the ecstasy one experiences when trying to fuck a lot of people at the same time while there are swarms of seagulls on your bed. Don't judge until youve tried it. I usually collect all of the stray feathers afterwards and make pillows for my "Oompa Loompa" types. Thats the kind of humanitarian i am.
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4 The Melvins : Billy Fish
I always get angry with regret and kick everyone out of my room. Then I cry myself to sleep, as all I really w [...]
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Track 2 from Nude in Boots
Length: 00:03:53
Year: 2008
Track Description:
I always get angry with regret and kick everyone out of my room. Then I cry myself to sleep, as all I really want is my spacial lady back. She left me to swim with the sharks for charity, you see.
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5 Matmos : Les Folies Francaises
In the morning, everyone is woken up by a robot that rolls around to each room blasting music from a turntable [...]
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Track 5 from Supreme Balloon
Length: 00:02:24
Year: 2008
Track Description:
In the morning, everyone is woken up by a robot that rolls around to each room blasting music from a turntable through a megaphone. I built the robot myself though, so its not the steadiest rolling machine around. So the turntable skips quite often. It doesnt really bother me though.

Ok ok, its not a robot, its a riding mower. And its not playing music but a record I have produced that has my voice apologizing for the events of the night before on a loop.
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6 Moistboyz : I Don't Give a Fuck Where the Eagle Flies
My quests come down to the extravagant dining hall in my shell house. They think they are coming down for bre [...]
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Track 1 from IV
Length: 00:02:42
Year: 2005
Track Description:
My quests come down to the extravagant dining hall in my shell house. They think they are coming down for breakfast, which they are. Sort of.

What they dont know is that I have blended all of the breakfast foods into a gel and then whipped it into a creme. Then I had Breakfast Creme Pies made. Waiting for my guests just under the table are some of my "Oompa Loompa"-types with those pies, poised to attack. As soon as the guests turn the corner I yell "Attack!" over the intercom system and they all get pelted in the face with breakfast creme pies. I laugh loudly over the intercom and yell, through the megaphone, through the intercom, "APRIL FOOLS YOU FUCKFACES!". Then I have a nice hardy belly laugh.
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7 Lard : Pineapple Face
I come down the stairs with towels and declare "LETS HIT THE POOL!"

and with that, everyone dives [...]
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Track 2 from The Last Temptation of Reid
Length: 00:06:37
Year: 1990
Track Description:
I come down the stairs with towels and declare "LETS HIT THE POOL!"

and with that, everyone dives in. We start a wicked game of Marco Polo.

While this is happening, all of my guests clothes are being sold on ebay.
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8 Smoke and Smoke : Bathrobe Jacket
When my guests find out whats happened to their clothes, they threaten mutiny. I tell them to settle down bec [...]
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Track 3 from Love Suffers Long
Length: 00:03:23
Year: 2005
Track Description:
When my guests find out whats happened to their clothes, they threaten mutiny. I tell them to settle down because its gonna be a long vacation if we cant get along. To let them know there isnt any hard feelings, I buy them Official WWE Raw bathrobes. But to save money I have them shipped with the free SUPERSAVER option. What do they think, Im made out of Money?
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9 Roy Orbison : The Clown
Those ungrateful dillholes get mad at me again when I tell them that the bathrobes will be there in 5 - 10 bus [...]
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Track 9 from Sun Recordings
Length: 00:02:02
Year: 0000
Track Description:
Those ungrateful dillholes get mad at me again when I tell them that the bathrobes will be there in 5 - 10 business days. This hurts my feelings and I run upstairs to my Ice Cream room. In this room there is nothing but pillows everywhere and spouts that come out of the walls that pour nothing but Marshmellow and Cotton Candy flavored ice cream. I turn all the spouts on and let the room fill up with ice cream and I drown. What a way to go out. Seriously, I recommend Ice Cream drowning to anyone looking to off themselves. I shat my pants right before i died so that if any of those cheap wankers tried to eat all the ice cream it would be contaminated with my feces. That'll teach em.
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10 Ice Cube : When Will They Shoot?
I am instantly re-incarnated as a baby sea turtle hatching out of an egg. While all the thousands of my sibli [...]
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Track 2 from The Predator
Length: 00:04:38
Year: 1992
Track Description:
I am instantly re-incarnated as a baby sea turtle hatching out of an egg. While all the thousands of my siblings were waddling their way to the ocean, i waddle the other way back toward the house. Thats when I hear my turtle mother yell "Flippy! Flippy! You are running the wrong way! ITS THE WRONG WAY!" "FLIPPY IS A TARDED NAME MOM!" I tell her as I jump into the pool to escape the detection of predators. Luckily since my mom is just a turtle, she forgets what had just happened and goes back to doing whatever she was doing, which if you ask me, was just whoring herself out to every Walrus or Manatee that looks at her cross-eyed.
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11 Wu-Tang Clan : Stick Me for My Riches
I stealthily slip into my house to see that those fucks have had their way with the place. If my house was my [...]
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Track 10 from 8 Diagrams
Length: 00:06:08
Year: 2008
Track Description:
I stealthily slip into my house to see that those fucks have had their way with the place. If my house was my daughter, it would be like if they had roofied her, spit on her, peed on her, and then stuck it in her butt. Thats what they did to my house. NOW TRY TO PICTURE THAT!

First thing I do is I go to the head "Oompa Loompa"-type, name a Donnie Ginger (hes mom must have been a whore too), and try to convince him its me. But doing what he's been told to do if a turtle gets in the house, presses a button, and a trap door opens up under me and i fall into a pit with crocodiles and poison oak.

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12 Prefuse 73 : Smoking Red f. John Stanier
After dying a very itchy death, I am reincarnated again but this time as an "Oompa Loompa"-type baby. It's 4 [...]
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Track 6 from Preparations
Length: 00:02:55
Year: 2007
Track Description:
After dying a very itchy death, I am reincarnated again but this time as an "Oompa Loompa"-type baby. It's 4 days in the future and things are not as technologically advanced as I would have hoped. Now I just have to bide my time, learn to walk, talk, etc and I should be able to finish Los Angeles off in no time.
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13 Blockhead : Jet Son
I grow up. I get married. I have kids. I bide my time. Much like Viggo Mortenson's character in History of [...]
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Track 10 from Music by Cavelight
Length: 00:03:46
Year: 2004
Track Description:
I grow up. I get married. I have kids. I bide my time. Much like Viggo Mortenson's character in History of Violence, im a mild mannered family "Oompa Loompa"-type on the outside, stone cold killing machine on the inside. Plus I have an urge to fight naked in a sauna like Viggo Mortenson's character in Eastern Promises. Ever since Ive been an "Oompa Loompa"-type, ive wanted that, im not sure why.
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14 Desert Sessions : Nenada
The day has come. All of those Los Angeles good-for-nothings gonna get it. Their guard goes down in a major [...]
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Track 13 from Vol. 7 & 8
Length: 00:03:10
Year: 0000
Track Description:
The day has come. All of those Los Angeles good-for-nothings gonna get it. Their guard goes down in a major way. Hollywood was busy trying on woman's swimsuits, and Beverly Hills was getting a bikini wax from W. Hollywood. North Hollywood just ordered a Pizza, and Silverlake is having a heated discussion about the band Of Montreal with Koreatown. Downtown LA did some heroine and passed out hours ago. Santa Monica and Sherman Oaks are texting each other from across the room. Van Nuys, Inglewood, and Culver City are a;; shooting guns in the air.
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15 Electric Wizard : The Chosen Few
I walk in and slice them up one by one, but leave them alive. Then I pour rubbing alcohol on them to make it [...]
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Track 5 from Witchcult Today
Length: 00:08:19
Year: 2008
Track Description:
I walk in and slice them up one by one, but leave them alive. Then I pour rubbing alcohol on them to make it all burn-y. Yeah, i know thats fucked up, but fuck LA, you know?

Anyway, I yell at al of them and say very discouraging things to each one. IE, "Hollywood! You smell like piss everywhere you go!" or "Glendale! You aren't so Fast & Furious now are ya?!"

But the worst I saved for last. The freeways. Namely the 10, the 405 and the 101. And the 134. And the 170. I ripped their respective genitalias out and shoved them down their respective throats. After they choke to death I piss on them and fart too. Then I laugh. "What is the deal with people going 25 mph getting onto you guys anyways?" I ask.
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16 Wilco : Impossible Germany
When I get to North Hollywood, I take some extra time and pleasure in stabbing and twisting the knife into the [...]
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Track 3 from Sky Blue Sky
Length: 00:05:59
Year: 2007
Track Description:
When I get to North Hollywood, I take some extra time and pleasure in stabbing and twisting the knife into the intersection of Vineland/Lankershim/Camarillo. "Honestly, was the street planner busy fucking his grandpa while he drew you up?" I screem, spittle shooting out of my mouth onto Studio City. Studio City attempts to wipe of its face with a handkercheif but i snatch it away and throw it right in its face.
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17 Dead Meadow : 'Til the Kingdom Come
As I finish the last one off (Universal City), I call all the "Oompa Loompa"-types in and they all go to town [...]
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Track 5 from Old Growth
Length: 00:04:03
Year: 2008
Track Description:
As I finish the last one off (Universal City), I call all the "Oompa Loompa"-types in and they all go to town devouring the leftovers. Los Angeles is dead. Thank fucking Christ. I head back to the area of land formerly known as Los Angeles and I am met with a lot of confusion. "Where is Los Angeles?" I am asked by the brainless idiot children that used to populate it. "Los Angeles is dead. You guys are free. Go! Go read a book. Learn to drive! Go around the world and see how people treat each other! Eat a salad that doesnt have iceberg lettuce! Go out there and live a real life!" Their heads couldnt compute all of these suggestions and all of their heads exploded. Like in Scanners.
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18 Boris : Your Points the Umbrella
Unbeknownst to me, but back on my island, Compton, disfigured to the point of being unrecognizable, and having [...]
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Track 0 from Smile (Japanese Version)
Length: 00:08:00
Year: 2007
Track Description:
Unbeknownst to me, but back on my island, Compton, disfigured to the point of being unrecognizable, and having escaped both death and the house somehow, slowly slinks into the ocean.

THE END?

Roll credits
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The Valentine's Day 2007 Badge badge
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Happy Valentine's day from the MTC staff. We really love you guys. That said, put your pants on and get out before we call the cops.
awarded on 2007-02-14

Level 18
i actually take the time to read your mixes. thakns for another one.

now i imagine a reincarnated LA will come back to take deliriously misguided vengeance on other cities. and now i'm scared for portland. you could probably get cronenberg to direct it.
7/20/08 06:40pm
The Festivus '08 Badge badge
The Festivus '08 Badge
Frank Costanza:

"Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."


Festivus For The Rest Of Us, MTC 2008
awarded on 2009-03-07

Level 28
I'd make babies with Exene.

Love you, sledg
7/16/08 05:38pm
no badge
Level 3
Great stuff. Love the Electric Wizard -> Wilco -> Dead Meadow -> Boris run especially.
6/11/08 07:32pm
Mixtape Contest XX -- First Place badge
Mixtape Contest XX -- First Place
After the nuclear holocaust, there will be three things left: Cockroaches, Twinkees and Keith Richards.

Keith is answer key for they test of time. And Cocaine.

Congrats on first place.
awarded on 2008-03-22

Level 17
can you sendspace this one?
6/07/08 01:38pm
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The Beta Badge II
A slightly-less exclusive reward for special people. Thanks for helping us out with our second stage of beta testing. We love you silly guinea pigs!
awarded on 2006-12-28

Level 14
Dead Meadow. Sick.
5/15/08 06:56pm
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