Life is very different from when my last mix was published. I feel like a lot has happened, which is true. I've had six mixes in the making for awhile now. But screw those. I want something fresh. This is fresh. This is exciting. I have a crush.

I don't want to delve too much into my past relationship because I don't feel it's relevant in this case. But I will say it ended last month and it was a pretty emotional ordeal. However, in the time since then, I feel like I've grown. A lot. And I'm getting a much better idea of what I want in a significant other. I know what I like and what I can do without; I've finally admitted to myself that I also really dig ladies.

But I digress, for this mix is about one person—a guy, the brother of one of my best girlfriends. The title is named after the Garbage song, which is a band he really likes. I'm not sure where things will go with us. All I know is I have a great time with him and I adore his Jason Schwartzmanesque eyebrows. He's got this really biting, hilarious sense of humor and a strange sense of eloquence about him. He's cocky, yet charming.

And he's my crush.

These are all songs that make me feel good. The album art consists of pictures that make me feel good. I like to think those dudes are thinking some variation of, "Whoa, who's this classy lady?" or, "SOMETHING'S BRAND NEW? HOLY SHIT!" This mix is about feeling confident, ready. Its title comes from the way I feel right now.

I feel good lately. Partially because I got a haircut. It's parted on the opposite side now. It hasn't been this way since high school. It was an accident, but now I really like it. Ever have a haircut that just makes you feel different? Aside from that, I'm looking forward to new opportunities, like getting a house with friends, and turning 21 in two weeks, and going to the gym regularly. I'm even kinda excited for school to begin.

The first part of the title of my mix is French for, "I don't give a fuck." My reasoning for this is that I have included a few songs that may seem weird for me. This mix selection of tracks is slightly bipolar in nature, which is exciting for me. The second part alludes to the Portishead track found on the mix, but also to the strange event that has been my life as of recently.

Long story short: things are very different. I'm somewhat of a jailbird these days. Not really. But I have spent a couple nights in jail since February, both times by the same cop, and both times for nonsensical reasons. My school dropped me from a class because I didn't pay for it on time. And now, thanks to the judicial system, I won't be getting back in it.

I'll admit, a few good things have happened for which I am very thankful: I got a really great job, Justin came back to Texas, and my friends and I have reunited in a healthy way. But aside from those things, I've been catching up on sleep a great deal, just so I'm not thinking about money and school. Some of the following are songs that have been getting me through this shit with a smile. Others just fit too well with this brain-tornado to not be included.

A mix for when you're driving down a country road at night and get lost. You halfway like it though, because you're in such a good mood. A short mix for a short trip.

I describe this particular set of songs as dreamy because there is something romantic about the majority of them that ties them together; something kind of bittersweet at times. It just fit perfectly with this one evening in particular: the weather, what was happening, the people there. I relate it to a flurry of events that have occurred in the fall. My birthday was in August. I turned 20. That same week, my then-boss had the gaul to interview people to replace me...behind my back. That was weird, so I got a new job on campus, and things vastly improved. All except my grades.

I truly have gotten deeper into movies, for what it's worth.

More sexy tunes for a new year! A sequel to DREAM SEX: 2009*.


*Could be played immediately following DREAM SEX 2009 for ultimate satisfaction.

This mix is my attempt to deal with bottled-up anger I regretfully hold towards certain folks. These tracks allow any negative energy I'm feeling about said folks to be transferred off my shoulders and into the neutral air.

"Malocchio" translates to "bad eye" in Italian, and the peacock feather is a visual representation of that. I figure it fits in well with the theme.

I'll be short and sweet with this one: these are songs I daydream I'll hear when I am doing sex things.

Middle school was odd for me, as it was for everyone, I hear. I stayed up reeeally late most nights, hanging out in the Weezer chat room and learning about music that seemed to be way beyond my years. I was also diagnosed as clinically depressed, had a number of online relationships, and adopted a really awkward sense of humor--especially compared to my peers. I felt like a creep! But I'm fine with that, because overall this experience truly shaped me into who I am today.

Some highlights from seventh grade:
I remember drawing the cover of Blur's "The Best Of" the day 9/11 happened. And even when everyone was freaking out, I just kept drawing. At one point, I gave an "it's-good-to-be-yourself-speech" and totally started crying in front of the class. Friends would refer to me lovingly as "Weezer Freak" because I got really into them over this year (and no, not because of the Green Album!). I actually saw them for the first time, too, with Jimmy Eat World and Tenacious D. I started really caring about choir this year. I took a graphic design class my first semester and came to know one of the greatest art teachers ever, Mr. Hamilton. He made me realize my potential as an artist. I made a really good friend named Mike Winters, who remains a friend of mine to this day. Ironically, at first, I totally hated him.

Eighth grade:
Everyone called me "gothlic" because, on a whim, I went off and dyed my hair black. It really got under my skin. Nirvana re-exploded in popularity this year because of the release of their Greatest Hits album. I was pretty annoyed at all the kids acting like they knew about what I had known about since I was little, thanks to my parents. So I turned into somewhat of an elitist. I got into my first "serious" online relationship--and by serious, I only mean it lasted until my junior year of high school (far from perfect, though).

In my freshman year of high school, I met a boy named Justin via my old best friend Amanda's Methodist youth group. I wasn't really into going to church, but I enjoyed the social time (I later learned he went for pretty much that reason as well, considering he's Jewish). The first thing Amanda ever said to him was, "You look like Jimmy Fallon!" This wasn't really true. He looked better than Jimmy Fallon, to me at least.
Our friendship really took off during my sophomore year, when I found out he lived right down the street from me. He would ride his bike to my house a few times a week, usually, and he would come sit at my computer with me and we'd talk as I downloaded music. I made him his first mix. It featured Violent Femmes and Gang of Four and Ozma, to name a few. I recall one Spring afternoon riding home in my mom's car, and as we came closer to our house, we noticed writing all over the driveway: lyrics to Modest Mouse's "The Good Times are Killing Me" (I was so impressed I took a picture; I wish I knew where it was). Justin rode up shortly thereafter. It was a good day.
Our friendship continued, day in, day out, until the summer after my sophomore year brought some shitty news. Justin had to move to Virginia due to his parents' involvement in the military. I knew I was going to miss the hell out of him, but I was confident I would see him again. We hugged for a long while the day before he was due to leave, and things seemed to be alright. I spent the night with Amanda. The next day we were working at one of her parent's restaurants and I received a call from my mom. Justin was at my house. He was trying to run away; he wanted to stay with me instead of going halfway across the country. I talked to him, and I was really sad, but I didn't get to see him until he visited six months later. Afterward, a year passed with us talking occasionally. My mom always joked, "Tell him I want him to marry my daughter."
Then, right after my high school graduation, I got a MySpace message from him. He told me everything that had been going on in Virginia--some things very surprising, some very depressing. He revealed that I was the first girl he had ever truly loved. I never knew what my mom had known so well. Throughout my first year of college we talked often. I remember him getting me into new music last Spring, just like I had done to him. I told him I wanted him to come back to Texas. And I really did. But I pleaded, "Don't tell me you're coming until you're really coming, like two weeks before at the most. I just don't want to get my hopes up."
That call came, and in January of this year, he came. For about month he lived on my floor. We drank and smoked, amongst other things, at our friend Mike's, until Justin got an apartment; then we did it even more. We made wine, like they do in prison (got us mighty fucked up, by the way). Justin proved to be one of the most interesting people I have ever known, considering I didn't know him as deeply in high school. We gave him nicknames like Sex Panther, JSquared, and Justinian. I learned to play poker with him at my side. He, Chris, Mike, and I formed a band and he taught me some Neutral Milk Hotel on the guitar. But then, about a week ago, the apartment manager decided to evict him because he wasn't paying his electric bill. I told him he could stay on my floor again until he figured stuff out; my mom agreed. We really thought he was going to. But since his friend Kyle was already here visiting, he decided it would be best to go back to Virginia with him. Monday was his last day in town. Needless to say, worst 4/20 ever. I realized a lot of things after he left. I couldn't stop crying for two days. It just seemed really sudden. Chris and I agreed that we didn't feel like we got to give him a good "good-bye." So hopefully we'll be seeing him this summer.
I titled this mix "The Emperor Who Never Sleeps" because that was what the Byzantine Emperor Justinian I was known as. Consider this an homage to someone who has truly changed my life.

The title of this mix is taken from sort of a rant about summer by Bill Hicks. In his rant, he gets into how he hates going to the beach and seeing everybody sporting their tan skin and white teeth--his reason being, he can only don his white skin and tan teeth.

I actually love summer, in spite of the heat and the boredom that come with it. Things really started changing for me two summers ago, in 2006. It was the summer between my junior and senior years of high school, and a very meaningful time in my life. I found myself surrounded by all of these awesome people, among these being my current best friend, Chris, his schoolmate, Glaze, her boyfriend, Michael, and a few people I already knew: Andrew, Mike, Tim, and Kayla. We made the summer ours. We partied, we laughed, we did things that probably could have gotten us arrested--but it was all in good fun, and no one got hurt. Eventually, the group as a whole kind of grew apart, but I've found through the occasional reminiscing that the summer of 2006 lives on in all our memories as a very special time.

A majority of the songs on this mix are from that summer, but I decided to include a few from the summer of '07 as well (it was awesome, too).