I was made in a conventional household oven back in the late 80's by a doctor named Reuben. One pound of honey, bread crumbs, ground white pepper, hair gel, a cup of non-dairy creamer, and a drop of plutonium. I left the Doc's place after we had a falling out over an argument about whether Batman was an actual superhero or not. I now live in Oklahoma with a cowboy and an Indian (East Indian, not Native American.)

I have a wart on my left hand. Well, its not really a wart, its like, the MEMORY of a wart. I think its going to be there for the rest of my life, or until I can afford a new hand.

I fancy myself a real looker, though it could be that I have bad eyesight. I wore glasses that weighed, like, 12 pounds until the 4th grade, when I lost them in a glasses-throwing contest.

And if you think I got this cool doing drugs, think again.