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For My Father

For My Father
Created by: Alice
Tracks: 13
Length: 01:06:48
Keywords 1. Mix Contest 2
2. Mix Contest 2
3. Mix Contest 2
Created on 8/24/06 12:53pm
Level 10
Points 5350
Total visitors 562
Unique visitors 267
This mix was ranked #1 out of 30 entries for this contest
description:
Okay, so I've been thinking about this tape in my head for a while. Believe me, I didn't just jump at the mix contest theme and think "what's the saddest thing I could possibly make a tape about?" --I really was in the process of making it anyway. I don't want to put anyone in an awkward position with this tape, I know there's not much you can say to a stranger about these things, but it was important for me to make.

This tape is for my father. Well, it's for me, to remember my father. He died a month and a half ago, and it's pretty much just beginning to hit me. I was with him for a day before he died, and hadn't seen him for three years previous to that. We loved each other deeply but day-to-day we weren't close at all. I'm trying to come to terms with not only the loss of someone I loved, but the loss of someone I loved who was never around, someone who didn't know me as well as he should have, and didn't share his life with me.

My favorite memories of my dad were from when I was little. We used to sit and play records together, and talk about why we loved the songs we did. He's the one who started my music obsession, he's the one who trained my ear to hear music the way I do. He loved hearing new things, and loved feeling like he was still on the cutting-edge of music, even when he was in his 60's. I made him mixtapes with hardcore and noise on them, and he was thrilled. When I went through his CD collection after he died, he had Locust and Melt Banana and Bad Brains CDs next to jazz and classical.

Beyond loving music, we didn't share that much. He left when I was 10, and I saw him a total of six times in the 12 years after that. I wish I'd known him more, seen him more, sent him more tapes, shared more of my life, and his life. But the past is the past, and I'm slowly catching up to the reality of our memories together, and lack of.

Music was always the strongest thing we shared, and this mix is a way for me to remember him in an honest way, to let myself feel sad, and angry, and hurt, and joyful, and tender.

tracklist

1 Otis Redding : (Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay
This song is about accepting your sadness and just sitting with it. I played it a million times when my parent [...]
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Track 13 from Pain In My Heart
Length: 00:02:45
Year: 0000
Track Description:
This song is about accepting your sadness and just sitting with it. I played it a million times when my parents divorced and dad left, and I'm playing it a million times now.
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2 Bonnie "Prince" Billy : Even If Love
Sometimes love just isn't enough.
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Track 8 from Master And Everyone
Length: 00:03:26
Year: 2003
Track Description:
Sometimes love just isn't enough.
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3 Scout Niblett : Wet Road
This song is achingly sad. Her voice sounds like it's about to break any second, and it's just about loving so [...]
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Track 5 from Sweet Heart Fever
Length: 00:03:26
Year: 0000
Track Description:
This song is achingly sad. Her voice sounds like it's about to break any second, and it's just about loving someone and not having them. "I walk behind you, so I can see you move the way you do"
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4 Cat Power : Say
"when no one is around, love will always love you"
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Track 4 from Moon Pix
Length: 00:03:24
Year: 1998
Track Description:
"when no one is around, love will always love you"
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5 Songs: Ohia : The Black Crow
The night after dad died, I laid in bed in his guest room and listened to this song about 20 times trying to f [...]
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Track 1 from The Lioness
Length: 00:07:11
Year: 2000
Track Description:
The night after dad died, I laid in bed in his guest room and listened to this song about 20 times trying to fall asleep. I'm not sure why it's the one I picked. The song talks about a crow flying, and falling, and fading-- it's about death, but it's not melodramatic. I guess that's what I find the most comforting these days... being upfront about what happened, but not overly dramatic about it.
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6 Circle Takes the Square : Non-Objective Portrait of Karma
I used to make my dad mixtapes with hardcore songs on them. He loved them. This song is about loss and starts [...]
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Track 6 from As the Roots Undo
Length: 00:06:42
Year: 2004
Track Description:
I used to make my dad mixtapes with hardcore songs on them. He loved them. This song is about loss and starts out slow, so the transition from the slower songs works.
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7 Envy : A Will Remains In The Ashes
My dad always really liked Envy, they're beautiful and sad and epic all at once.
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Track 9 from A Dead Sinking Story
Length: 00:12:44
Year: 0000
Track Description:
My dad always really liked Envy, they're beautiful and sad and epic all at once.
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8 Portraits of Past : The Outlook Is Bleak
Okay, so the outlook isn't really bleak, but it's going to be tough for a while.
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Track 5 from 01010101
Length: 00:02:58
Year: 0000
Track Description:
Okay, so the outlook isn't really bleak, but it's going to be tough for a while.
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9 Portrait : Constellations Of A Stargazing Iris
I've put this on a few mixes for dad, and remember looking up at the sky with him...
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Track 7 from Complete Discography
Length: 00:05:42
Year: 2004
Track Description:
I've put this on a few mixes for dad, and remember looking up at the sky with him...
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10 Orchid : ...And The Cat Turned To Smoke
our hands fit, at least for a while.
i miss the face, i miss the taste
i'm sorry about it all...
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Track 10 from Dance Tonight, Revolution Tomorrow
Length: 00:05:14
Year: 0000
Track Description:
our hands fit, at least for a while.
i miss the face, i miss the taste
i'm sorry about it all...
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11 Shannon Wright : Hinterland
"Hinterland/ I crumble within." This song is angry and sad and tender... pretty much how I feel a lot of the t [...]
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Track 3 from Dyed In The Wool
Length: 00:02:05
Year: 2001
Track Description:
"Hinterland/ I crumble within." This song is angry and sad and tender... pretty much how I feel a lot of the time when I think about dad. Also a good transition back to slow from the harder music.
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12 Magnolia Electric Co. : Leave The City
One of my favorite sad songs, about leaving, loss, and loving.
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Track 8 from Trials And Errors
Length: 00:06:22
Year: 0000
Track Description:
One of my favorite sad songs, about leaving, loss, and loving.
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13 Beck : Guess I'm Doing Fine
Of course it's terrible to loose someone you love, and it'll be hard for me for a long time, but I'm fine, and [...]
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Track 3 from Sea Change
Length: 00:04:49
Year: 2002
Track Description:
Of course it's terrible to loose someone you love, and it'll be hard for me for a long time, but I'm fine, and it'll get easier.
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Tag Board

no badge
Level 1
Id like to make a mix for my dad but There aren any tunes much from the 40s and 50s here!
12/16/09 10:57pm
The One Year Anniversary Badge badge
The One Year Anniversary Badge
Issued to those who have stuck it out for a year here on MTC. What a long, strange trip, huh?
awarded on 2010-06-09

Level 11
Good for you. :)
9/26/09 06:43pm
The Serendipity Badge badge
The Serendipity Badge
You're just too good. In looking for one thing, you found another. Way to go, champ.
awarded on 2009-12-19

Level 14
i feel like i was naturally drawn to this mix by its title; my dad died when i was 10. though i saw him every day in those 10 years, i've missed him for the past 9. he and i also shared a strong bond over music--very similar to what you described in your third paragraph.

i think this mix is beautiful, but also very relatable. sorry i'm late on this, but thank you for creating it.
5/05/09 03:54pm
The Newbie Badge badge
The Newbie Badge
The true sign of a fresh mixtaper. This badge is awarded to everyone. Don't feel special.
awarded on 2008-04-14

Level 2
I always think of my Dad when I hear some stuff by Sodom South Georgia by Iron and Wine. I haven't lost my father but that song makes me fearful of the day I do.
4/17/08 05:28pm
Mixtape Potpourri I: Second Place badge
Mixtape Potpourri I: Second Place
Way to wager it all and still come back to be second place. Uncanny!
awarded on 2006-12-30

Level 17
I saw Scout Niblett perform in a little cafe in my city some time ago - It was awesome. And I saw Cat Power in concert last week. I love your mix!
11/16/06 09:22am
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