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Escape to Hell

Escape to Hell
Created by: sledgbrainerd
Tracks: 17
Length: 01:19:44
Keywords 1. Mix Contest 24 - Hell
2. Mix Contest 24 - Hell
3. Mix Contest 24 - Hell
Created on 10/21/08 10:30pm
Level 3
Points 1603
Total visitors 30
Unique visitors 15
This mix was ranked #8 out of 8 entries for this contest
description:
What if you lived an absolutely pure and wholesome life with the idea of indulging in pleasure for eternity once you went to heaven? What would you say if you got to heaven and some of those pleasures were still not allowed? What would you do? WHAT would YOU do?

Well, this is the predicament facing our hero, Tan Baxter. You see, Tan, lived his life following one of those religions that didn't even allow for you to smile, let alone kiss a woman or drink something hard like 7up. He knew that it would be worth it, for when he got to heaven, he could partake in the things he always wanted desperately his whole life: Blowjobs, Booze, Smokes, and Music.

But as soon as he passed away at the ripe old age (for his religion anyway) of 58, he discovered Heaven wasnt everything it was cracked up to be.

(if you go to my mixtape thread in the forums it will tell you where to download this bad boy)

tracklist

1 Public Image Ltd. : Religion I
We begin our story after our hero is already fed up with heaven.

"Im Tired of croquet and grapes! I [...]
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Track 2 from First Issue
Length: 00:01:26
Year: 0000
Track Description:
We begin our story after our hero is already fed up with heaven.

"Im Tired of croquet and grapes! Im going where I can go get my duck sucked!" Tan declares after knocking over chess game he was having with Charles Darwin.

"And how do you propose you do that?" Darwin asked, "I've been trying to do that for 100 years!"

"Watch Me" Tan replies with a wink.
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2 10cc : The Second Sitting for the Last Supper
Tan strolled over to a large EMERGENCY EXIT door with all the usual ALARM WILL SOUND warnings and shiz. He gla [...]
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Track 0 from Original Soundtrack
Length: 00:04:26
Year: 0000
Track Description:
Tan strolled over to a large EMERGENCY EXIT door with all the usual ALARM WILL SOUND warnings and shiz. He glanced back at Darwin, who shook his head and mouthed "NO".

Tan knew that everything in heaven was on the honor system. He knew if he broke that trust by opening the door, sounding the alarm, and escaping to hell, he would never be allowed back in heaven. But then he remembered there were blowjobs and smokes down there and didnt think about it ever again. He opened that fuckin door, but only after he said "Fuckin A" out loud to himself, which was the first time he had ever cursed.

Tan left Darwin behind to find a new chess partner. It wasnt too hard as Strom Thurmond had been eyeballing him from across the crowd all afternoon. Word around the sky was that Strom had his CHESS-SIGHTS fixed on Darwin for awhile now.
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3 Dead Meadow : At the Edge of the Wood
Tan soon realized his escape to hell wasnt going to be difficult at all. After he passed through the emergenc [...]
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Track 7 from Dead Meadow
Length: 00:03:36
Year: 2001
Track Description:
Tan soon realized his escape to hell wasnt going to be difficult at all. After he passed through the emergency exit door, there was no alarm and there was a sign that said "TO HELL" and had an arrow pointing down the long spiral staircase. Upon closer inspection Tan noticed some graffiti on the bottom right hand corner of the sign that read "SHIT YEAH! - J.R. CASH"

Tan started his descent.
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4 PJ Harvey : The Whores Hustle and the Hustlers Whore
On his way down the staircase he ran into a demon, who jumped up when he saw Tan coming.

"You didnt [...]
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Track 6 from Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea
Length: 00:04:00
Year: 0000
Track Description:
On his way down the staircase he ran into a demon, who jumped up when he saw Tan coming.

"You didnt happen to prop that door up there open did ya?" Inquired the demon.

"Uh no. I'm sorry." Tan said, "Have you tried just opening it? Im pretty sure everything is on the honor system up there."

"Yeah....locked..." The demon sat back down with his face in his hands. Then without looking up he said,

"You escaping too? You better do something bad on the way down cuz they are kinda picky on who they let in. The line has like a 2 hour wait."

Tan nodded and continued on his way. "Cool, thanks a lot, Mr....."

"Demon. Mr. Demon. I know. Yes that's my real name."

"Ok, well thanks again Mr. Demon." Tan waved as he wondered down the stairs.
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5 The Black Angels : Young Men Dead
Tan racked his brain trying to figure out what he should do to get accepted into hell. He thought hard about w [...]
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Track 1 from Passover
Length: 00:05:32
Year: 2006
Track Description:
Tan racked his brain trying to figure out what he should do to get accepted into hell. He thought hard about what he always believed people who needed to be saved looked like when he was alive. All of a sudden it came to him.

He unzipped his fly and pulled his penis out so that it hung free out of his pants. Then he tore his shirt and made a little sling so that his arm looked broken. He shat his pants. Then he masturbated (something else he had never done before and which took some figuring out on his part) and rubbed the resulting semen in his hair. He figured he was ready. He hoped there might be a chance to sin in a major way on the way down.
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6 Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death : Tach Piano/Paris
He could tell he was getting close because he was starting to hear the sounds of many people shouting. As he [...]
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Track 5 from Old Jail
Length: 00:08:36
Year: 2008
Track Description:
He could tell he was getting close because he was starting to hear the sounds of many people shouting. As he approached the line, he started to get nervous that he hadn't sinned enough to get in.

In an act of desperation he yelled "Anyone want me to perform sex acts on them please?" Everyone in line raised their hands. Thats when Tan got an idea:

"All I ask in return is that i get the spot in front of you in line!" That way, you know, he'd be killing two birds with one stone.

Everyone in line looked at each other and shrugged as if to say "That sounds fair to me."

Before he knew it Tan was about to make it into hell after having literally sucked himself to the front of the line.
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7 Odd Nosdam : 11th Ave. Freakout Pt. 2
The second he stepped foot into Hell, Tan knew that that is where he belonged.

There was everything [...]
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Track 7 from Burner
Length: 00:04:06
Year: 2005
Track Description:
The second he stepped foot into Hell, Tan knew that that is where he belonged.

There was everything a fun-neglected man could want. It looked like the inside of a casino. Grand Theft Auto on big screens. Naked slutty chicks everywhere. Blunts the size of a toilet paper tube. Everyone was drinking 40's. It was amazing. The first thing he wanted to do was get his hand on some smoke and some drink.
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8 Amon Tobin : Verbal (Topo Gigio Remix)
The bartender happened to be Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. Steve handed tan a 40 oz bottle of Olde Engli [...]
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Track 0 from Verbal Remixes & Collaborations
Length: 00:03:59
Year: 2003
Track Description:
The bartender happened to be Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. Steve handed tan a 40 oz bottle of Olde English and gave him a slap in the mouth.

Tan requested some smokes, but unfortunately all Steve had was menthol cigarettes. "This IS Hell dont forget..." The Croc hunter reminded Tan. Tan settled for the menthols.

Next on his agenda was where all the crazy sex happened.
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9 Fog : 10th Ave. Freakout
"Hey Where the fuckin at?" asked Tan to a random dude.

"In there." The guy pointed at a door.
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Track 0 from 10th Avenue Freakout
Length: 00:00:51
Year: 2005
Track Description:
"Hey Where the fuckin at?" asked Tan to a random dude.

"In there." The guy pointed at a door.

Tan recognized the guy. It was Andy Dick.

"I didnt know you were dead!" Tan shouted.

Andy Dick pushed him up against the wall and looked around.

Quietly he said "Im not. Dont ruin this for me!"

He then licked the side of Tan's face and pulled out his boner. Tan ran in the door where all the fuckin's at and that was that.
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10 90 Day Men : Chronological Disorder
Inside the fuckin' room there were bodies everywhere. One giant mound of sex. Pulsing and grunting. In front [...]
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Track 3 from Panda Park
Length: 00:06:03
Year: 0000
Track Description:
Inside the fuckin' room there were bodies everywhere. One giant mound of sex. Pulsing and grunting. In front of the giant mound was a stage where THE REAL AXEL ROSE performed some bizarre songs. The following tracks are those songs.

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11 Mogwai : Scotland's Shame
Tan jumped into the mound head first. He never left the mound ever.
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Track 8 from The Hawk is Howling
Length: 00:08:02
Year: 2008
Track Description:
Tan jumped into the mound head first. He never left the mound ever.
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12 Morphine : Like a Mirror
He fucked everything.
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Track 5 from The Night
Length: 00:05:26
Year: 2000
Track Description:
He fucked everything.
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13 Brazzaville : 1963
He fucked forever.
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Track 11 from Brazzaville
Length: 00:06:29
Year: 0000
Track Description:
He fucked forever.
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14 Golden : the Quim Adjuster
Girls. Guys. Demons. Animals. The floor on occasion. It didnt matter to Tan.
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Track 3 from Golden
Length: 00:04:14
Year: 0000
Track Description:
Girls. Guys. Demons. Animals. The floor on occasion. It didnt matter to Tan.
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15 David Bowie : Andy Warhol
Yep he even fucked Andy Warhol. And Hunter S. Thompson. And John Ritter.
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Track 8 from Hunky Dory
Length: 00:03:58
Year: 1971
Track Description:
Yep he even fucked Andy Warhol. And Hunter S. Thompson. And John Ritter.
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16 Masters of Reality : The Ballad of Jody Frosty
The End?
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Track 1 from Give Us Barabbas
Length: 00:07:30
Year: 0000
Track Description:
The End?
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17 Richard Cheese : Badd
Moral of the Story:

You might as well fuck now, cuz thats all you are gonna want to do once you are [...]
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Track 0 from The Sunny Side of the Moon
Length: 00:01:30
Year: 0000
Track Description:
Moral of the Story:

You might as well fuck now, cuz thats all you are gonna want to do once you are dead.
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Tag Board

The Level 10 Badge badge
The Level 10 Badge
Welcome to level 10! Credibility is just a few levels away.
awarded on 2009-01-10

Level 11
Awesome stuff.
10/24/08 01:48pm
The Level 15 Badge badge
The Level 15 Badge
Welcome to level 15! If we had a dollar, we'd give it to you...
awarded on 2010-03-14

Level 16
For a late entry this is very hot, sweaty, bad and ballsy (or is that meaty beaty big and bouncy). I'll second johnny_luddite on his favoring the 10cc track. For a hell mix, this is very inspirational (where do I sign up?).
10/22/08 03:40pm
Team Robot Member badge
Team Robot Member
Despite the fact that TEAM ROBOT was crushed like a Pabst can at a frat party by the might claws of TEAM MONSTER, you are still deserving of a badge... Loser.
awarded on 2006-10-18

Level 40
Well suck a duck! Great use of that 10CC track which is actually an old favorite of mine I forgot about. When they left the cheese behind and turned up instead with the witty lyrics and the nice chord changes they could be ok!
10/22/08 02:30pm
The Yay! Badge IX badge
The Yay! Badge IX
This astonishing badge is bestowed to the MTC brethren who can truly conceptualize the wondrous spectacle and mind-altering ramifications of the of the elusive 'YAY!'.
awarded on 2008-08-17

Level 36
Yup. That seriously wasnt a typo.
10/22/08 08:39am
The MLK Badge badge
The MLK Badge
Because Civil Rights rock (and roll).
awarded on 2009-03-07

Level 18
Who wouldn't?
10/22/08 05:56am
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